Monday, August 1, 2022

Setting Boundaries and Apologies

Several years ago I began a journey to find ME. There were
many changes I made to my life and steps I took during this process. It was a process of minimalism... not just getting rid of tangible items but evaluating my time and commitments. I was looking at what was important to me and my goals. I hadn't realized then but I was setting my boundaries. 

Now as I heal, I am learning the importance of setting boundaries for a healthy life and healthy relationships. There are so many more boundaries I need to examine and figure out what works for me. 

Check out my Minimalism Jeep Momma Posts

I have started my boundaries checklist. There are many different categories to explore and work on. One of the first that is important for me in my healing process is Apologies & Forgiveness.  

Forgiveness was really hard for me. That is forgiving myself, not others. This is one of the first steps in healing. For the most part I have forgiven myself, but there are days I fall down on this one. 

APOLOGIES

During those many years ago when I was decluttering my life I realized I wasn't always living my life for me. I spent a lot of time worrying about other people and their feelings. Since then I have learned it is not my job to make sure everyone is happy. We are all responsible for our own happiness. 

I needed to stop taking responsibility for other people's feelings. Too many times I worried about hurting other's feelings and instead neglected mine. I can't control how someone reacts to my opinions or how I live my life. I will not apologize for that. 

Here is a prime example. Years ago I went to one of those wine paint nights with a friend. We both painted our own paintings. We happened to pick a night where the subject of the painting meant something special to her. 

We had a great time that night. I will always cherish those memories. However, I didn't care too much for my painting. For me it was about the time spent with my friend, not the painting. 

Several months later I was in my decluttter mode and had a yard sale. I decided to sell my painting, thinking a painter might be able to reuse the canvas. Instead a young girl loved my painting and asked her mom if she could buy it to put in her bedroom. I told the girl she could have it for free. 

I was so touched by the moment I shared it on Facebook. The friend who shared that paint night with me was so upset. She couldn't believe I would just toss out our friendship like that. That moment was a crossroads for our friendship. 

I honestly don't remember if I apologized for getting rid of the painting but I did share I wasn't throwing away our friendship. She couldn't let it go and now we are no longer friends. (there were other issues after this as well).

For a long time losing that friendship bothered me. It was a real struggle to come to terms with. Some days I felt like a bad person. Now I am on a path to self love. I realize the self loathing I held onto was a waste of time because it is not my responsibility how someone reacts to me living my best life. 

This article is a great article on apologies.  Click Here


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