Thursday, August 21, 2014

Jeep Therapy

Some days it's really hard to get up and get out bed! Today was one of those days. As I watched my oldest walk to the bus stop this morning for high school orientation the tears welled in my eyes. Where did all the time go? I don't remember crying and feeling this sense of sadness when he went off to kindergarten. As he walked down the street for the first time I realized how tall he had become -- he's at least four to five inches taller than me. He's not my baby boy anymore -- he's growing up into a man and becoming his own person -- independent and with a life not revolved around his mom. As he disappeared out of view I shut the door and headed back to my bed. I pulled the covers up over my head wanting to just lay there for the rest of the day ~~ the rest of the week ~ or even the month.  

I don't think a lot of folks realize how difficult being a stay at home mom can be. Don't get me wrong -- it's the most rewarding job in the whole world and I would never trade it for anything. Fifteen years ago I left my career in television news to begin my new career as a stay at home mom.  I was blessed with this opportunity and looking back I wouldn't change a thing. But now ~~ there are no mommy and me classes for teenagers and their moms or group playdates with neighborhood friends while the moms catch up on the latest parenting issues.  Now... As I shut the door I wonder what will I do come Monday morning when they both head off to school and I sit in the empty house for hours. 

What will I do with myself? I've been out of touch ~~ in a sense ~~ for 15 years. Out of touch in the world of adults. The workforce world has changed. It's a whole new experience and will I be able to cut it?  

I guess come Monday my struggle to get back into the workforce will begin full force. But what do I do? Where do I begin? I certainly can't go back into television news -- the industry in the past 15 years has changed so drastically I would have to start from the bottom again. That would be a sacrafice to my family. A sacrafice I'm not willing to make. It will be a tough road to travel as I will be competing with a very experienced and educated unemployed force of folks wanting to work. 

So instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided I needed the sun and fresh air. With the music turned up ~~ the top down ~~ the wind in my hair I began to feel a little better. Right now, my best friend was there for me ~~ My Jeep ~~ I can always count on her to make me feel better. But I know that sadness will once again creep upon me. Something that happens as I get older with my changing hormones ~~ it's to be expected. But, I have to keep forging forward living each day as it's my last day. Life is too short to live in the past or worry about the future.  A quote I saw the other day. 

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. 
If you are anxious you are living in the future. 
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

Lao Tzu

So come Monday morning I have a plan. Take each day one at a time! Put on my running shoes and hit the pavement. Literally and metaphorically. I'll be out taking care of myself physically and mentally by running and driving my Jeep. Then it's time to look for a job. But wait... My son still needs me!!!  Since he grew so much over the past two weeks it looks like his clothes no longer fit him. So it's off to the mall for some school clothes shopping.   

  -- Simple Living! -- Enjoying Life! -The Jeep Momma Way --

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