Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Life Changing

The other day I remembered one of my blog posts from November of 2013 -- Click here.

I was sent a copy of a Craigslist ad for a -- "Manly-Man's Jeep". I thought -- I should check it out to see what it takes to have a Manly Man's Jeep. None of this prissy-girlie type Jeep nor the cookie cutter Jeep for me.

When I bought my Jeep Wrangler Sahara I was looking for something different, something more rugged and outdoorsy, something simple, but not girlie-girl. I love the outdoors. I like to be different and I like simple. I wanted to modify my Jeep to be different, more manly than the Barbie-type Jeeps. 

I started to make some changes to my Sahara -- to beef it up a bit. I changed out some of those plastic stock parts with a tougher, more rugged steel front bumper, and more sturdy, protective rock sliders. 

But that just didn't seem to be enough, so I traded the Sahara for the more rugged Rubicon, which included those beefier tires. I also did away with those Jeep thing stickers. But I do sport some purple decals.  

Now  -- I'm happy to say just because you make some of these changes to your Jeep Wrangler --  it is not necessarily going to make the changes the author of this ad states. 

I have not started to grow a beard or chest hair, thank goodness. Nor am I catching more fish or having dead animals stocked in my freezer. However, my husband has been stocking the fridge with wine, and he takes out the trash. There are bonfires in the driveway, and craftsman tools in my toolbox. Yes, I now have my own toolbox.  

Getting a Jeep Wrangler will make many changes to your life, and has brought many changes to my life. I have discovered many new joys that come with being Jeep Wrangler owner such as off-roading, new friendships and whole new meaning to stress relief. 

I discovered the fun new hobby of off-roading. I love to be out on those rocky trails testing out the capabilities of my Jeep Wrangler. My Jeep has also opened up a whole new group of friends with the same obsession and understanding of the Jeep World that I have. 

Stress relief... nothing is better than to hop in your Jeep with the top down and hitting the open roads to take away all those things that bring you down. The wind in your hair and sun on your face gives you a whole new perspective and puts a smile on your face. Then add in a Jeep wave or two and your mood is instantly changed! 

So let's just say if you become a Jeep Wrangler owner you will definately see some changes to your life, but they may not always be the same for everyone. 

Here's the add for you read it for yourself:

"I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pajama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this Jeep Wrangler Sahara.

So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

This baby’s pulse is pumping 4.0 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.
It has A/C but are you kidding me….Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. “What if it rains?”. . .You whiney bitch! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of shit. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your “sissy sponge glove car wash kit” in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got rhino lined floors with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.

If you’re thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the damn chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a taliband roadside suicide bomber.

And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing. . .You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . …real quick.

If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this shit will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked….

1. More chest hair.
2. You’re growing a beard.
3. Meat Only Diet.
4. T-Rex for a pet.
5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill.
6. Your car carries five kegs.
7. Penis enlargement.
8. Catch more fish.
9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
10. Sex in the yard.
11. Sex in the garage.
12. All male offspring.
13. Chiseled jaw line.
14. Not giving a damn.
15. Flesh turning to steel.
16. Higher salary
17. Promotions.
18. Better looking wives.
19. Better looking mistresses.
20. More golfing
21. More killing stuff.
22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
23. More tools in your garage.
24. Bigger TV
25. Wife takes out the trash
26. Four Wheel Drive
27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
30. Chuck Norris.
31. John McCain
32. Steaks for dinner.
33. Winning the Lottery.
34. Women on the side.
35. Wrestling with bea
36. Building shit out of stone.
37. Riding Lawn Mower.
38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
39. Bar Fights.
40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.
41. Craftsman Tools.
42. Jay Bisset.
43. Welding stuff.
44. Digging holes.
45. Huge Piece of meat.

Put your GPS back in your purse.
Sounds good doesn’t it?

This jeep has carried me through 155,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “300″. . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.
But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Sixty Five Hundred Dollars. . .American Cash. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it."


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