Thursday, June 13, 2019

My Negative Trait

Self Doubt - lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities

This is my negative trait I am trying to overcome. It wasn't until this year did I realize how much self-doubt I carry with me. It has been a life long trait I am now coming to grips with.  

During the past couple of my off-road trips I began to realize how strong my self-doubt truly is, and it's utterly unnecessary. Even after five years of wheeling on the rocks, I continued to question my off-road driving abilities and Jeep knowledge.

A fellow Jeeper and great friend of mine, Bryan with Carolina Trails Off Road, was the first one to point out my self-doubt. He opened my eyes and I began to take notice of this negativity I put on myself. 

I don't recall his exact words, but in a nutshell he told me I needed to quit doubting myself.I am more than capable of doing the things I don't think I can or am good at. 

He is also the one who knew I would be able to wheel the three most difficult trails in Uwharrie in 2018, and I did, in typical Jeep Momma fashion. I was scared and nervous, but I didn't need to be. I was in good hands with a great spotter and a lot of experience under my belt. I started off with off road driving lessons and have learned from a lot of great Jeepers which means I have a lot of wheeling knowledge. 

SO Jeez Tammy... YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!

Then again during the Krawlin' for Cops event at Rausch Creek Off Road Park, I questioned my driving abilities when it came time to wheel a black trail called Cemetery. A fellow Jeeper, Alan, who was in my group pushed me to do it.

He told me I was way more than capable and my Jeep definitely was capable. So I ventured out onto the trail to catch up to the others. I ended up doing the first part of the trail picking my own lines. In the end I wheeled the trail without any damage and with great skill minus the F-bombs I dropped. 

10th Grade - My First Year of High School

I remember my self doubt all the way back to elementary school. I am sure most everyone starts out with it when they are younger. Even through junior high school, high school, and my 20's it continued. It is now a half of century of living and I realize I don't need this negativity in my life.

9th Grade Junior High
One more person helped me to realize I am a beautiful person inside and out. A blast from the past, a junior high school and high school classmate reached out to me during one of my self doubt times. He said I was attractive then, and still am and one of the funniest women he knows. That was another big eye opener for me as I never felt that way about myself back then or even a couple of months ago.

My Early 20's
I started to look back on all those years I thought I was not pretty or fun. All those years of a lack of confidence. On letting other people shape me. My Jeep in a round about way has helped me to realize I am a strong, independent, capable beautiful woman who can persevere.    


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