Thursday, January 27, 2022

Forgiveness Doesn't Excuse the Harm Done

Once you truly understand what forgiveness is, you can begin the process of healing. Healing from a destructive relationship requires forgiving the manipulative and destructive partner. I realize I played a role in my emotional abuse by letting it happen to me and not loving myself enough to stop it. So, I need to learn to forgive myself, as well.

Definition of Forgiveness ~The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley

"Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.

Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life." 

For me, forgiveness is a big hurdle, especially because of my damaged psyche and soul from the emotional manipulation. With all the research creating my blog posts, and writing about what I am learning, helps me to heal my heart, mind, and soul. Forgiving doesn’t mean that I will overlook what happened or that the offender is blameless. Forgiveness is for me to make a conscious choice to release the negative emotions from my life. It helps to relieve the burden, pain and the stress from holding onto the resentment. Forgiving doesn't mean I condone what happened and isn't about making excuses for the offending person’s behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiveness means letting go of the anger and resentment so it can bring a peace to help me go on with my life.

Steps I am Working on to Forgive

Understanding the "Why" someone acts the way they do is an important first step in the forgiveness process. Why are they have certain defense mechanisms like aggression, depression, defensiveness, narcissism. Investigate what are they protecting? What are they afraid of?

Empathy - Seeing the situation from the other person's point of view. 

Journaling - Putting the emotions on paper gives them a place to live outside of yourself and your body. This validates your emotions by breathing life into them. 

Time - Be aware this is a process and you may need to revisit the process over and over. 
When you are hurt by someone you love and trust can cause anger, sadness and confusion. Dwelling on the hurtful situation can fill you with resentment. That resentment will turn into vengeance and hostility can take root. If you let the negative feelings to overtake the positive feelings, you might find yourself drowning in your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

Anger work is important to release the rage and blame in a primal way. There are many ways to do this. Go into nature to yell or scream. I do this in my Jeep. Cry. Hit something like your couch cushions. Take a boxing class. Allow yourself to be fully disappointed, sad or depressed. Talk about it with a friend or professional. Give yourself permission to thoroughly feel the emotions. 

The hurt could always be with me, but hopefully forgiveness will lessen the hold it has on me so I can move forward with my life. 

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Goosenecks of the San Juan River

Jeep Momma Getaway

During my many adventures, I have come across some
amazing scenic stops. One of those stops is the Goosenecks State Park in Utah with the most spectacular views. 

This park sits on the edge of a deep canyon, 1000 feet above the San Juan River. The sinuous river meander is known as a gooseneck, officially called entrenched meander. 
The San Juan river makes a series of tight turns below the state park. 

The river has carved out a deep canyon at this location which Geologists say over 300 million years of erosion has uncovered a record amount of rock. There are six miles of the twists of the entrenched meander, the distance of one an a half miles.

There is room for primitive camping at the state park but spots are limited. The views are breathtaking and I highly suggest you add this stop to your bucket list.

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Taking out the Garbage

Part of healing is getting rid of left over beliefs. This new mindset helps with the healing process which improves your health and peace of mind. I am in the process of healing from a relationship loss, community loss, and loss of friendships. Most people go through these changes many times through out their lives. Loss is a normal part of life. However, sometimes the loss involves more.  

Some losses are more difficult to deal with dues to other circumstances such as emotional manipulation, addictions or physical abuse. Those losses can take longer to deal with and need professional help. 

As I work on my mental well being one of my paths is to educate myself and learn from other's who have been through the same type of loss. A good way to help accept the loss and move forward is to change your mindset.  

6 Mindset Changes I am Working Towards 

To stop blaming myself from not handling things better. 

To acknowledge what I went through.

To stop criticizing myself for being too emotional.

To stop shaming myself for being too needy.

To stop criticizing myself for not getting over it faster. 

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Quick Tip [Jeep Tip]

Before you hit the road when you are heading out on a trip, any trip, check to see if any roads along your route are closed. I made this mistake before the Hole in the Rock trip in October 2021. 

There was a washout on Utah 95 heading to the trail so we were detoured. We ended up on some sketchy unknown gravel road with steep climbs and turns. It was a little sketchy as we had our Jeeps on the trailers.  

It was even more scarier on the way back home after our 3-day adventure. They 
detoured us to Mexican Hat, Utah. Little did we know we were on Utah’s Scariest Road. HOLY MOLY!!!  It was by far one of the scariest roads I have been on. Especially since we were still pulling my Jeep on a trailer. 

The road is called Moki Dugway. “Dugway” is a term used to describe a roadway carved from a hillside. This Scenic By-way is a stretch of Highway 261 in Utah where the blacktop turns into a dirt road. 

The gravel road is a three-mile long switchback road carved right into the side of the mountain with 11% grade hair pin turns. 

NO GUARDRAILS with sheer cliffs. It you happen to get detoured to this road the views are absolutely spectacular! 

Wheel Tire Land vehicle Sky Vehicle
Tire Vehicle Sky Automotive tire Motor vehicle
Sky Vehicle Tire Wheel Automotive tire
Smile Glasses Sky Tire Vision care
Tire Wheel Vehicle Plant Hood
Tire Wheel Sky Car Vehicle
Wheel Tire Vehicle Plant Plant community
Brown Sky Cloud Bedrock Slope
Car Vehicle Mountain Sky Ecoregion

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Jeep Momma Challenge

Top 5 Moments That Changed My Life
[#Top5LifeChangeChallenge]Click for more

Kiss in the Coat Closet

December of 1997 - I snuck a kiss in a coat closet with a co-worker, that kiss turned into a date, then eventually a marriage of 20 years, and that marriage gave me the best thing ever - My two sons!

Birth of My Kids

November of 1999 and August of 2005 when my two boys came into my life. Those memories are etched into my mind forever. Now, I cherish every moment with them. Being their mom was the best thing to ever happen to me!

Becoming a Jeep Wrangler Mom

May of 2013 when we traded my soccer mom family vehicle for my first Jeep, I had no idea how that would change the trajectory of my life. 

Read more here My Journey

Starting my blog

Being a stay at home mom is a difficult job because one day you begin to realize your kids don't need you as much. In 2013, I struggled to figure out what was next for my life. A friend and fellow mom blogger suggested I start a blog about my new Jeep life as a mom. That blog turned into off-roading, then into a YouTube channel, and then into a whole new journey in my life.  

Moving to Colorado

Leaving my kids for a new adventure in life in December of 2019 was the hardest decision I ever made. I still have a hard time coming to terms with the decision. However, it turned into the most amazing journey ever. I meet some great new friends and had so many fantastic adventures. I also learned some very hard lessons in life, but I know I will come out of it as a better person. 

Monday, January 10, 2022

3 Day Adventure

Hole in the Rock, A Jeep Badge of Honor Trail 
Southeastern Utah

There are 5 videos of this adventure on my YouTube channel.

This trail is listed on the National Register of Historic places. It follows the path the Mormon's carved out in the 1800’s, a silent monument to the faith and tenacity of those first Mormon pioneers. 

Don’t confuse this trail with Hole in the Rock Road. This trail is rated a 4 to 6 out of 10. It is a long exhausting trail. There were times we were unsure of the path the trail took. It is not well marked, and in some places not at all. You should definitely have a GPS map. 

The beauty is unmatched anywhere in the US. We made many stops to soak in the vast beauty. Give yourself plenty of time on the trail. I would say at at least 2 nights on the trail and 3 days at a minimum.

I have heard some folks have pushed hard and done it in 12 hours, but that is during times when the days are longer. Plus, knowing the trail gives you a big advantage. 

The trail is one-way in and one way out. It is a long intense trail. You need to be on your A game. Several times on the trail as we traversed up and down the slick rocks. Many times we got out to scout the terrain to find the right path. 

Unfortunately, we did not make it all the way to the end. We still had 1.7 miles left and decided to turn around. That 1.7 miles probably would have taken at least 2 hours there then 2 hours back. We were on a time crunch, plus we didn’t want to chance it with the gas. Bring extra gas!!! I am pretty sure we would have made the whole trip with the gas we had since we trailered our Jeeps into the trail, but we didn’t want to chance it as the area is one of the most remote places in the country. 

Our first night we set up camp on the trail head, one night on the trail, and a
second night at the trailhead again. We were there in October so the day light was limited.

There is a really cool camp spot. A place in the rocks that opens up into an amazing cavern. We spent the night in this cavern with a coyote as we heard him drinking water from some pools of water. This is right after poopy pants hill. A very scary obstacle near Grey Mesa that if you are a millimeter off you go careening down a cavern.

Near the end of the trail, where you turn around and head back, are several rock formations to wheel over and vertical rock faces to climb. There is also The Chute which looks kind of like Hells Gate. Getting down into the chute can be tough but the chute is not that bad. It just looks intimidating.

It was an amazing adventure so I can finish the trail. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2022

Obvious Things We Neglect But Shouldn't

Self-Care may seem like a no brainer, yet at the same time we can misunderstand the true meaning. Self-care isn't necessarily indulgences like a massage or pedicure. Self-Care is what we do for ourselves to establish and maintain health, and to prevent and deal with illness. It is to practice self compassion, beware of emotional boundaries, and to learn to say no.

It is surprising how many of us ignore these basic needs for our physical and mental health. There are many self-care practices that we sometimes neglect. These are the basics needs we should be doing for ourselves everyday. 

Below are some and items I will be working on for myself. At the bottom of this post are more links for you to find ways to work on your own self-care.

Emotional self-care is being able to identify, understand, and care for our emotions, plus being able to cope with life stresses.

-Stop Being a people pleaser 
-Stop Apologizing for things I didn't do

More Emotional Self Care Tips

Physical self-care is getting the necessary exercise, having a healthy balanced
diet, getting enough solid sleep, regular health check ups, not getting too much sun exposure, and good hygiene.

-Incorporate exercise into my daily life, and make it a routine. 
-Drink lots of water, and cut out sodas.
-Reduce the amount of processed foods in my diet.
-Get more good solid sleep at least seven hours a night. 
-Create a stretching routine every day.    

Supporting your health with these consistent practices has been correlated with increased longevity of your life.  

Mental self-care is learning to manage my thoughts, seek help when needed, engaging my brain and setting clear boundaries. It is a balance of mind, body and soul. 

-Seeing a therapist and setting boundaries is one of my top goals for this year.
-Learn to properly manage my negative thoughts. 
-Start to focus on the positive. 

Social self-care is social interaction with friends and family. The relationships you create. 

-Cut out the toxic people in my life
-Start hanging out with healthy people who lift me up and not tear me down. 

Spiritual self-care is to cultivate an inner world of peace and serenity, feeling balanced, calm, and connected with yourself and the world at a deep spiritual level.

-Learn to clear my mind with meditation
-More Prayer 
-Practice Gratitude  

Cheyenne Rejuvenates Me!

My life is starting to settle down. I found my new city, a new job and have my own place. That dark hole I was in, I finally dug my way out...