For me, forgiveness is a big hurdle, especially because of my damaged psyche and soul from the emotional manipulation. With all the research creating my blog posts, and writing about what I am learning, helps me to heal my heart, mind, and soul. Forgiving doesn’t mean that I will overlook what happened or that the offender is blameless. Forgiveness is for me to make a conscious choice to release the negative emotions from my life. It helps to relieve the burden, pain and the stress from holding onto the resentment. Forgiving doesn't mean I condone what happened and isn't about making excuses for the offending person’s behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. Forgiveness means letting go of the anger and resentment so it can bring a peace to help me go on with my life.
Steps I am Working on to Forgive
Understanding the "Why" someone acts the way they do is an important first step in the forgiveness process. Why are they have certain defense mechanisms like aggression, depression, defensiveness, narcissism. Investigate what are they protecting? What are they afraid of?
Empathy - Seeing the situation from the other person's point of view.Journaling - Putting the emotions on paper gives them a place to live outside of yourself and your body. This validates your emotions by breathing life into them.
Time - Be aware this is a process and you may need to revisit the process over and over. When you are hurt by someone you love and trust can cause anger, sadness and confusion. Dwelling on the hurtful situation can fill you with resentment. That resentment will turn into vengeance and hostility can take root. If you let the negative feelings to overtake the positive feelings, you might find yourself drowning in your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
The hurt could always be with me, but hopefully forgiveness will lessen the hold it has on me so I can move forward with my life.